


Hold my hand (I promise I won´t hurt you)

by ThatOneGirlBehindYou



Category: Frozen (2013), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Frozen (2013) Fusion, Brotherly Love, Frozen AU, Ice Powers, M/M, Minor Sif/Thor (Marvel), Yes you read that right, olaf? what olaf?, pepper is a reindeer, this is ridiculouly long
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 16:18:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3256415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneGirlBehindYou/pseuds/ThatOneGirlBehindYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The cold may not have bothered me, but the closed doors and your voices fading with time certainly did.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Frozen!AU, more focused on brotherly relationships but it does have my usual twist of Frostiron at the end</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold my hand (I promise I won´t hurt you)

**Author's Note:**

> A Frozen AU someone asked for on my Tumblr like... a year ago.  
> If you´re out there anon, I´m sorry and this is for you.

Everything starts when his fingers turn blue.

At first he thinks it's just a trick of the light, because the ballroom is always too big and too empty and its too many mirrors reflect light in an odd way, or that he accidentally dipped his fingertips on the blue dye he poured on a bucket for his next prank, but he scrubs and rubs at his skin and it remains the same stubborn color.

Besides, there's a feeling that wasn't there before; his lips are cold and his skin feels like being brushed by a nonexistent wind. There's also a slight buzz at the soles of his feet, like he's standing on an anthill, and a faint smell of...

_Snow_

After thinking this he proceeds to gasp and try to get as far away from his hand as possible.

The snowflakes that had gathered on his palm flutter to the floor.

He knows it's dumb, but he looks up to check the high ceiling for gray clouds. Predictably enough, he finds none.

He looks again at the snowflakes that are still shining on the floor and that haven't melted in the least, then at his fingers that are still blue and he smiles as a faint suspicion begins shaping in his mind.

The air around him lowers its temperature and gets crispier when he stretches his hand with the fingers spread and the feeling that runs in his veins can only be called 'power'.

He laughs as the first blizzard shoots up in the air and spurts a cloud of falling snowflakes, and he can't believe it, this is magic, _magic_ on him, something not even Thor has...

"What was that?! Please tell me you all saw that." Loki stills in his spot when he hears Fandral's voice coming from the entrance. When he gathers the strength to turn around, slow like honey on ice, he finds the four older kids staring straight at him with eyes wide as saucers.

"Prince Loki... Did you do that?" Volstagg lets out a shaky question, and Loki looks up at the oldest of them, so tall he barely reaches his chest.

"I..." He clears his throat and puts on his princely face. He hasn't hurt anyone, he has no reason to be afraid. "I believe I did."

"... Can you do it again, Loki?" This time it's Sif, leaning forwards him with a friendly smile. Loki takes a step back.

"Promise you won't tell." He glares. "Promise it on your friendship with Thor."

"We promise." She agrees a second after, and she traces a cross over her heart with her pointer finger. Behind her, the other three are doing the same. "Now, can you?"

Still wary, he lifts his arm up again, and shoots a second burst of snow. The others gasp and stare, still wid-eyed, and Loki waits.

"That's..." Fandral turns to him, and Loki flinches, but the older kid is smiling. "What else can you do?"

"I don't..." Loki looks down at his hands once more, while the feeling of power mixes with excitement in his stomach, he feels like he could freeze the world, and who knows? Maybe he can. "Let's find out!" He stomps a feet on the floor, and a thin layer of freeze starts spreading around him. He laughs, and his friends laugh and his happiness translates into falling snow and cold wind.

-

"Thor!" A voice comes through the closed door, and the princeling in question looks up from the heavy book on his desk with a smile. Sif's the only one that calls him that (not even the sarcastic 'your highness' Fandral is so fond of) and it feels like spring came early, to have her interrupt his history study session so early. "Come quick, it's Loki!"

And of course that chases every other thought off his mind.

He's on his feet and running through the door faster than he can process, his chest tightening in anticipation.

"What happened?" He asks, but in lieu of an answer Sif's hand clamps down on his wrist and Thor's being dragged down the hall by a girl half his size, trying not to step on the torn and muddied edge of her beautiful silk dress. "Sif, what is it?"

"You have to see it!" She answers and only then does he notice they're running towards the ballroom. Did Loki topple down one of the armors? Is he trapped under the furniture?

Sif pushes the door open and he takes a gasping breath, preparing himself for...

Snow.

He stands on his spot, blinking in amazement as a blizzard blows his hair off his face. The shiny floor of the ballroom Is converged in a thin layer of ice, and his friends are sliding around, laughing and pushing each other into the snow piles agains the walls.

And at the center of everything there's Loki, laughing and smiling like Thor hasn't seen him in a long time, perhaps in forever. His little hands are spread and the tips of his fingers are blue and snowflakes sprout from thin air from between them.

"Loki!" Thor screams when he recovers control of his voice. Loki turns on his heels and runs to throw himself in Thor's arms. "What is this?" He mutters into the top of his head.

"Don't you see it, Thor? It's magic! I made this!"

Sif laughs at his side. "We found him when he had just started." She explains. "He says it had never happened before, it's incredible, isn't it?"

Thor looks around once more, speechless, before he hugs Loki tighter against himself for a second and holds him at arm length right after.

"Loki, you're a sorcerer!" He smiles, and Loki laughs again and lifts his hand in the air. Thor watches, hypnotized by the blue glow shining around his fingers and by the time he pays attention to the snowball that's shaped itself in the air it's already flying towards his face.

Loki and Sif laugh as he spits snow and wipes his eyes, and slide away as soon as he bends to pick a fistful off one of the snow hills.

"Come back here!" He yells.

They play for hours, they use the silk cushions as sleds and build forts and he and Loki and Sif team up against Fandral and Volstagg and Hogun until they're soaked and freezing and panting with laughter.

They're only children, they don't expect anything to go wrong.

"Loki, catch me!" He screams from the top of one of the snow piles and just... Jumps.

He has a brief moment of fear in which he thinks he overestimated his little brother's abilities, but then he's standing at the top of an ice pillar, and as he looks down (very far down, at least for someone seven years old) at the floor, he feels like he's king already, with his brother the sorcerer prince looking out for him and his warriors at his back. He laughs, and launches himself forward again.

Loki catches him everything time, and he jumps faster and faster, cheered by Sif and Volstagg's laughter. Fandral is shaping snowballs Hogun tries to hit him with, but he's too fast and they don't reach that far up anyway.

"Thor? Slow down..." Of course he doesn't hear Loki's first warning, busy as he is taunting his friends. "Thor!"

He registers his brother's urgency, if not his words, and turns to face him just to find him red-faced and panting.

"I'm getting tired..." He mutters, as if embarrassed.

Thor is just about to open his mouth to tell him how it's ok, that this is just the first time Loki uses his powers and that they'll have plenty of time to find out how far his limits go.

And then he slips.

-

Sif sees everything as though it's one of her nightmares, only this time it's worse because there's nothing to wake up from.

Thor falls and falls, and she can't even scream because Thor isn't supposed to get hurt, never seriously, but he keeps falling and she feels her heart fighting to leave her body.

Suddenly, though, there's a ramp of ice and when she follows it she finds it sprouted from the very tips of Loki's feet and runs all the way to the wall. Thor lands on it and his robe gets stuck on an icy salient, and he's _safe_.

"You saved him..." She turns to Loki again, to thank him, to hug him, but when she finds his face it's red with effort and wet with tears and his hands are shaking. She realizes his eyes are starting to roll back into his head, and she turns back to the ramp. "Thor! Get down, now! Loki can't..."

And then, of course, the ice crumbles under him.

Before, it was as though he was sinking in water, for his fall felt slow and desperate. This time it's quick and gives them no time to scream, to move, before his body's hitting the polished floor with a dry smack. There's a second thud, and they turn to find that Loki has finally succumbed to exhaustion, and passed out.

"Can you check on him, Volstagg?" Sif asks, but doesn't really wait to see if he complies, she slides her way to Thor's side and restrains the urge to shake him. There's no blood, and that's what scares her the most because if her prince is not bleeding away his life then why isn't he waking up, to laugh and tell them it was all his fault and he'll be more careful next time? "Thor? Thor! Wake up!"

"I'll get the Queen." Hogun moves to his feet and half runs, half skids out of the room.

"Loki is waking up." Fandral informs her. Sif looks up in time to see the small child being helped to her side by Volstagg, and holds his hand in a bruising grip when he gets there. "Are you ok?"

Loki looks paler than she's ever seen him, and more, he's crying openly now, as he holds up a tentative, shaking hand, like he's afraid of touching his brother.

"Why isn't he moving?" He asks back.

"I... I don't know Loki."

"It's my fault..."

"No. No!" Sif exclaims because Thor would _not_ want his baby brother blaming himself for his stupid recklessness, "It was an a-" Before she can finish her thought, the door pushes open with enough strength to slam against the wall and the King and Queen are very un-royally skidding their way to them. "Your Majesty-"

"What happened here?" Odin asks abruptly to thin air as he takes a hold of his son's wrist and presses a finger against it. His wife, meanwhile, is busy checking her younger's face.

"Father, I froze the ballroom and Thor slipped." That makes both adults focus on Loki.

"You what?" Odin spits again, his words laced with fear and anger, and his eye looks a little crazy when he snaps his head to Sif and her friends. "What is he talking about?"

Sif takes a look into the king's face and many years later she'll still be wondering where that strange and sudden wave of premonition came from, because she knows what's going to happen. "We don't know, your Majesty." She mutters, and clings to Hogun and Fandral's hands, hoping the squeeze she gives them is enough to make them understand. "The ballroom was already frozen, what happened?"

The king's eye narrows for a second, but the worry for Thor is much, much bigger. "Go, then. Thor will look for you later." He orders. "You are not to talk to anyone of what happened here today, understood?"

"Yes, your Majesty."

-

"What did you do?" Odin snaps again, and Loki cowers under his gaze.

"I... It was an accident, Father, he was jumping and he..."

"What did you mean when you said you froze the room?!" 

"I..."

"Loki we have no time!" He yells, and at his wife's look, tones it down to a hurried mutter. "Show us, son, come on."

Loki lifts his hand in front of his face, and summons the last of his strength to create a small spurt of snowflakes between his fingers. They fade and melt when his parents gasp and pull Thor away from him.

"Dear, since when has it's been happening?" Frigga asks softly, and she extends a trembling hand towards him.

"Just today, I promise!" He exclaims, and after a pause, "...Thor said it was incredible."

"And what happened?" Frigga hesitates for a second, but in the end she holds his hand and pulls him closer.

"Thor was jumping and I told him to stop because I was getting tired, and then he slipped and I tried to catch him but I couldn't make thick ice and he- I didn't mean to hurt him!"

"Oh, my baby,,," Frigga sweeps him up in her arms, and the ice around her feet melts slowly, but no one is paying any attention to it, not when Thor still hasn't woken up. "What do we do?"

Odin frowns, and his knuckles are white when he picks up the unconscious boy and walks out of the ballroom, followed by his Queen.

-

"Ah, but my eyes must deceive me, is the great and mighty king truly in my humble den?" The woman's voice reaches their ears right as they step into the cavernous stone shack.

Odin freezes on his spot, but Frigga's firm squeeze on his arm is incentive enough to move forward, even though his grip on his firstborn has tightened up to the point of turning his knuckles white.

"We have come not for your poisonous words, but for your aid." He blurts out as firm as he can.

"You do me a disservice, my Lord. My words are but coated in honey for you." A candle lights itself with a blue flame, and more follow illuminating a single room full of trinkets and with all the furniture covered under lengths of fur. The woman is sitting across from then, sprawled in her gracious, careless way over a hard stone mockery of a throne.

Odin has the very same thought he had the first time he saw her: if not for the sickly blue hue of her skin, and the demonic horns on her forehead, she would be one of the most beautiful creatures to ever walk his kingdom.

He steals a sideways glance of his Queen, and finds her serene and focused, somewhat shielding Loki with her own body.

"My heir has suffered an accident." He goes on, ignoring the woman's goading look. "He hit his head and hasn't woken up."

"Poor, poor princeling... Place him on my table." The woman stands from her chair and gestures at it, all the while looking at Frigga. "Take a seat, my Queen. What's mine is yours."

"Do not address me, witch." Frigga lifts her chin, and stays by the door. The woman smirks like she's won something, and moves to stand next to the table.

"And how did the young king come to be in this condition?" She asks, and Odin has to restrain himself from slapping her hand away when she ghosts it over Thor's cheek.

"He hit his head after a fall." He answers, clipped.

"Ah, such a treacherous thing, ice is."

Odin feels his heart stop in his chest. "Who said anything about ice?" He snarls.

"The prince, of course. Is it not snow in the folds of his clothes, or frozen sweat behind his neck?" The woman's sharp reddish eyes narrow. "Of course, that begs the question of whee the young one was at the time of his accident, if he came across ice in the middle of the summer... Or perhaps your pet wolf has finally shed its sheepskin?"

"Can you cure him, or must we look for someone who is less words and more skill?" Odin taunts, and pulls his Queen to his side.

"If you find someone in this kingdom with even a lick of skill superior to mine, that is." The woman spits back with her honeyed voice turned sour. "Your spawn I can cure. This one, at least."

"Then get to it." Odin orders.

"I will get to him later, your Majesty. Right now he's safer as he is. First..." And here the woman walks toward Frigga, and stops a few steps away. The two stare each other down, and then the woman speaks. "Is this the first time this has happened, child?" It takes them all a moment to understand she's talking to Loki. When she gets to this conclusion, Frigga's lips tighten into a line.

"Do not talk to my-"

"To your what?" The woman cuts her abruptly. Her eyes are filled with disgust. "You have no idea of the kind of power you hide behind your back." She looks down at the child again. "Speak, boy. Has it happened before?"

Loki clenches to his mother's skirt, and looks up at Odin with fear in his green, tear-filled eyes.

Odin sighs to calm himself.

"Answer her, son. You're safe." He promises.

The child looks back at his questioner, and shakes his head. "This is the first time, I was... It was just a game, he fell and I couldn't stop it." He finally speaks. His face is still fear stricken, but his voice is firm after the initial hesitation.

"I see." The woman shrugs. "Well, you could've hurt him much more, child, don't look so scared."

"W... Hurt him more?" And just like that, Loki's confidence vanishes. "We were just playing!"

"As I told your father and you'd do well to remember, ice is a dangerous thing, and demands respect." The woman aims a look at Odin, and he has to make a big effort to not look up from Thor's peaceful expression and face her. "Had you aimed your magic at him, not even I would've been able to save him. A broken bone, a bruised head, those are simple things." She crouches in front of him, to look him in the eye. "A frozen heart can't be fixed. And that is our curse, child of winter."

Odin feels his own heart clenching, fearing what could've come out of her lips. "Get away from him, Laufey!"

"Do not fear, my King, I will say nothing." She rises, and walks back to him and Thor. "But he will find out in time. Sharp as a blade, he seems." She smiles, obviously pleased.

"Just wake my son, and you will earn whatever reward you ask for." Odin ignores her teasing and he can see Frigga holding Loki closer to her.

Laufey smiles, and there's a twinkle of amusement in her eyes. 

"You know what I will ask, and I know you will refuse." She starts. "I need nothing of you but what you've stolen from me. However..." She continues, before Odin can even part his lips. "I will heal the young prince, as a show of good will." And she turns her back on him.

Her hand hovers over Thor's face again, this time at his forehead, and it glows faintly, like the full moon seen through a cloud. "His body I can heal, as I said. But some of his memories might not have been spared, especially the most recent ones." Her eyes turn to him again, and they dig into his chest like a dull knife. "Somehow I do not think you will be too worried about that."

Odin ignores her, until her hand's glow dims and vanishes.

"Is it done?"

"As done as it can, my lord." Laufey doesn't spare him a single look as she walks back to he seat. "Now take your leave. I have unfinished business that require my attention." She smirks.

Odin doesn't know what this business is, but he knows it's probably not good, dangerous for his people and that he should stop it, like he knows he should have chased her out a long time ago like one chases a pack of starving wolves from their land, but every second spent in her company feels like a clamp is squeezing his chest.

He takes his son in his arms again, and turns on his heel.

Frigga follows without a word, dragging Loki after her.

-

Sif is there, when they close the doors.

The Queen looks at them with a strained smile, and assures them that everything will be back to normal, it's just that Thor needs time to rest and get better. She doesn't mention Loki, and Sif feels like she should ask.

She doesn't.

Instead she runs along the length of the outer wall, until she's standing right under the younger prince's window. There's a small silhouette against the crystal, and she raises a tentative hand to wave at it.

It stays immobile for a second, and then retreats.

That's the last time she sees Loki in fifteen years.

-

They take to playing just outside the gates, secretly hoping the Queen will come out one day and tell them Thor is all right and very eager to play with them. 

It doesn't exactly happen like that, but after a month has gone by one of the guards approaches them and informs them that the King wants a word with them.

And they follow, because one can't just refuse a meeting with the King.

"Please, take seats." The King gestures to them once they're before him. "Seeing you pleases me, I must admit."

"Us too, your Majesty. We've been worried." Fandral answers, all polite words and charming smiles. Sif rolls her eyes as discreetly as she can.

"You may stop now, then. Thor is well and waiting for you. But-" he adds, to stop them from jumping down their chairs. " I would ask that you not mention the accident at all, for his memories of it are blurry and we fear he could become upset and aggravate his injuries."

"We promise not to, your Majesty!" Sif exclaims, almost bouncing in her excitement, and her friends echo her words behind her.

"Then you may visit him in his rooms." The King concedes, and they're at the door so fast it's a miracle they hear the King's last words in time to stop. "Children..."

"Yes, your Majesty?" Fandral clenches his hand around Sif's wrist to stop her from storming into the hallway.

"... Loki has become withdrawn, since his brother's accident." The man mutters, his back to them and the words sounding like they hurt him to speak them. "If you could speak to him... Maybe convince him to come out, the Queen and I would be most grateful."

The words rain over Sif like cold spring rain, and her excitement dims somewhat.

"We will try, your Majesty..." She dares speaking up, but doesn't meet the King's eyes. "I will speak to him myself."

-

Loki curls over himself at the first knock on the wood.

Thor has been trying to coax him out for weeks now, ever since the healers allowed him to go out of his bedroom, and every time he's gotten as far as climbing to his feet and reaching for the knob. That's usually when he notices his fingertips are blue again, and retreats back into his corner.

He still remembers yesterday's attempt.

"Loki, please! I miss you, little brother, the healer says I might play with you if we don't do anything too tiring!" Thor called from behind his door, and Loki winced. 

"I can't play with you Thor." He answered. He could picture the frown in his brother's face.

"Why not?" He asked. "You haven't come out in days, Loki! Are you sick? I'm better now, I don't need the healer, he should take a look at you. I'll get Moth..."

"I'm perfectly fine, I just don't want to play with you, Thor!" Loki screamed, his hands fisted tight in the fabric of his shirt. "I don't want to see you, go away!"

"... You don't..." Thor's voice was weak, like he'd taken a punch to the chest. "I... I see, Loki... I'll see you at dinner."

Loki didn't answer.

He didn't see his brother at dinner either.

His mother carried a tray for him, but even her Loki would not let stay, horrified as he was with his cold fingers and the sound Thor's head had made when hitting the floor.

She left when she noticed he wasn't going to deign looking at her, and sent a sad glance in his direction as the door closed behind her.

He cried then, and the tear tracks are still frozen into his cheeks, and he keeps as far as he can from the door.

The window he's huddled under has turned white with freeze.

"Loki?" His attention perches at the familiar and much missed voice. "Are you there?"

He wants nothing more than to invite her in, invite them all in, for he can hear the other's footsteps behind her. But he can't. He can't hurt anyone again.

"Go away Sif."

There's a silence after his words and he dares hoping that maybe she'll leave him alone.

"I just... What happened is not your fault Loki." She tears through his hope like the paper-thin shield it is. "We were playing, you didn't do anything wrong... We haven't told anyone, but we're not mad at you. And Thor isn't, either."

Loki doesn't answer, forces himself not to, even if he must bite down on his gloves and close his eyes with all his might.

"Loki, please, Sif is right." That's Fandral, and Volstagg and even Hogun join him at a more sedate voice.

He ignores everything, and when he finally opens his eyes, there's silence in the room and the sounds of retreating footsteps.

-

They go to Thor, and he's obviously thrilled to see them.

They play all day, running around the palace and jumping on beds and dashing past the guards, and altogether it's an amazing day.

Which only makes it sadder, when Thor calls to Sif before she can fully leave, and levels her with confused, hurt blue eyes.

"Loki doesn't want to talk to me... I think he's angry."

Sif swallows and clenches her hands in her dress. She can't tell him, it'll only make matters worse, Thor will be distressed to find his beloved little brother feels guilty of his accident, and Loki will never forgive her.

"I'm sure he's just a bit scared, you got quite a bruise in that big head of yours." She answers instead, forcing out a smile.

Thor sighs and smiles back.

"Yes, that must be it."

-

"Hey, Loki! Come out with us, we're going swimming!" Thor screams excitedly as he knocks on the closed door.

"I'm not in the mood for swimming." Comes a muffled voice.

At his side, Fandral frowns. "But you're the best at swimmi-"

"Just go away!"

Thor looks back at his friends, and they all look as sad as he feels. He hadn't noticed they were that close to his little brother, but it's nice, seeing someone as worried for him as he is, seeing how his Mother and Father apparently don't want to hear much of the matter.

Sif shrugs, and they leave after a whispered goodbye.

-

"Loki?"

"Go away, Thor."

A dry, low thud comes from behind the door.

"Happy birthday, little brother..." Thor's voice grows weaker and weaker, but it adds after a moment. "I miss you."

Loki waits in silence, until there's a sigh and the sound of steps. It's been six months since the incident, and he hasn't set a foot outside his rooms ever since.

"I miss you too..." He whispers.

Once he's absolutely sure Thor is gone, he pokes his head out the door. There's a small chest on the floor, and he pulls it in as quickly as he can.

There's a collection of brushes and tubes of paint inside, and a drawing of what Loki assumes is him and Thor playing in their mother's rose garden.

He tucks it under his pillow, and turns his attention back to the painting tools.

The window is still frozen over, and he paints a red and yellow sun he hangs on the wall.

-

Thor has seen his friends standing outside his brother's locked door much more times he can count.

He doesn't think they can say anything he hasn't tried, but he appreciates them not forgetting Loki.

-

"I don't wish to go out, Mother." Loki mutters from under his covers.

"Loki... My son, it's your brother's birthday, and he asked for nothing but to see you." Frigga sits on her son's bed, and runs a hand over the covered lump.

"I know. I don't want to see him..."

"My love, you will not harm him, I'm sure." However, Frigga is aware she said the wrong thing as soon as the words leave her lips, for the form under her hands stiffens, and the air around them both grows cold. "I believe in you, Loki. And so does your Father. You need not to be afraid."

The blanket goes stiff and slick with ice, and she sighs.

"Fine, love... I will congratulate him on your behal-"

"Please..."

"Yes?"

"I... I painted something for him." Loki shoves a rolled parchment through the blankets. "Will you give it to him?"

Frigga's lips curl into a smile even as her eyes fill with tears.

"I will, love."

-

Thor hesitates a little, before knocking.

"Hey. How are you?"

"Fine. Please go away."

Thor shuffles on his feet.

"It's been a year since the accident." He tries again, but whatever he was going to say after that gets lost in his throat. He wants to tell his brother that he's healed now, and that he'll be careful so that Loki doesn't have to watch him get hurt again. But he fears that Loki will just turn him away again, and that it was all a lie and he was never scared to start with, and he really just didn't want to see him anymore. So he goes for a safer topic. "There was a party at the gardens today."

"I heard the maids talking about it." The small voice admits after a while.

Thor sits on the floor with his back against the door, excited at the non-refusal.

"You wouldn't have liked it too much anyways." He assures. "All fancy clothes and no fun at all."

"... What did the gardens look like?"

Thor frowns at the odd question, but he's happy to answer.

"Well, green, for the most part. Mother's roses have bloomed already, and Loki, there are so many yellow ones this year!" He describes, excited. " The whole wall is covered in them, and the old petals have fallen down to float into the fountain, it looks like the spring fäe took a bath in there and left all of their dresses behind."

"And... And the guests?"

He spends the next hour describing every single detail to his brother, and even though the locked door still makes his heart ache when he walks away, it's not enough to dampen the warmth spurred by his first successful conversation with Loki in what feels more like ten years than one.

-

"Happy birthday, Loki." 

"Thank you."

"... I miss you."

".. I can't open the door."

"That's fine... I'm going to leave your present here."

"Thank you... Do you want me to paint something for you?"

"Whatever you make will be the best, I promise I'll like it."

"... Thank you."

-

"Why won't you let me in to see you?"

"Go away Thor." Loki rolls his eyes as he tries to control his breathing.The room is colder than usual after a forceful visit from his Father, and he knows better than to humor his brother when he's this blunt about this matter.

"Please, Loki, how long has it been?" Comes a desperate plea.

"Seven years and counting. I still don't wish to see your ugly face."

"I'm going out to the tavern with Sif and my friends, won't you come with us? You used to like spending time with..."

"I was a child, Thor! I don't enjoy your company anymore, and much less your wench's and your buffoons', now leave me-"

"DON'T YOU CALL THEM THAT!" Thor's voice cuts his sentence short, his eyes widening in surprise at the sudden anger in it. "Don't you think I haven seen them, how they sit and talk to your door every other day even though you won't even have the decency of answering!" He hisses, enraged. "You should be grateful, that they haven't forgotten you despite your best effo-"

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL TO PEOPLE I HATE INVADING MY SPACE!" Loki yells right back, as high as his lungs will permit it. The ice at the windows is so thick now that sunlight barely makes it through. "AND THAT INCLUDES YOU!"

"Well maybe I won't come to visit you anymore!"

"Then don't! I don't want you here! I've been telling you the same for seven years and you still insist on coming here every day, I'm tired of you!" He's not thinking, when he takes hold of a crystal plate and tosses it right at the door.

The silence after the shattered pieces fall to the floor seems to last an eternity.

"Suit yourself." Thor mutters, and then he's gone.

Loki sits on his bed and sighs. He got what he wanted, Thor will not be bothering him again anytime soon.

He looks at the frozen window, and tries to tell himself how relieved he is.

-

It's been two months since he sent Thor away for the last time.

The sun has barely raised, but there's a knock on his door, and retreating steps he can recognize as easily as breathing. Not a word this time.

When he cracks the door open, there's a small chest filled with painting supplies, and he realizes it must be his birthday again.

-

Thor takes special care to avoid the hallway to Loki's room nowadays, but some times he just can't help himself.

He stands in front of the door that's been closed for so many years he sometimes wonder that maybe the wood melded together and is trying to grow back into a tree again.

Suddenly, there's a sheet of paper slipping under it, and he nearly trips in his haste to grab it.

It bears a note written in a stylized black calligraphy he doesn't recognize, different as day and night from the childish chicken scratches that sprawl across an old birthday letter he still keeps safe under his pillow.

_'I heard Sif, Fandral, Volstagg and Hogun got accepted into the royal guard. Please congratulate them on my behalf.'_

"You should have the guts to tell them yourself." He mutters.

He waits for a long time, but there's no answer.

"Coward." The word tastes like bile in his mouth, and walks away before he gives in to the familiar urge to smash the door open with his war hammer.

Later, Sif and the others will tell him he did wrong and he will agree with them, but for now he feels like he has the right to be frustrated, and relishes in it.

-

Loki closes the door behind him, and goes to place the chest with the other twelve.

He hates to admit it, but his painting has become quite good.

-

"We'll be gone for three weeks at the most." Frigga promises. She goes to cup a hand over Loki's cheek, but quickly catches herself at his alarmed glance. "You'll be safe, love."

"We trust you, son." Odin nods along. "As long as you stay calm, everything will be just fine."

"I understand, but must you truly leave? Can't you take Thor with you?" He nearly begs, and his fingers are already covered in a thin frozen layer even through his gloves.

"This is also a test for your brother, Loki." The King explains, gravelly. "He has to learn the proper way to run a kingdom, and this will serve as an introductory period."

"I see." Loki answers, and submerges them in a thick, uncomfortable silence. However, his mother breaks it not long after..

"... Will you try and speak to him, Loki?" She asks. Her worried eyes dig into the side of his face when he averts his own. "For me?"

He looks her in the eye, then. "For you I will try, Mother."

She sighs and looks away, and he knows she didn't believe him.

"Then it's time for us to leave, my love," She says after a pause. His father looks at them both, unaware of the unspoken conversation between them. "We will be back soon."

"Take care, both of you." Loki gives each of his parents a weak smile. It's much more than what he can usually manage these days, but they deserve it.

"And you too." Odin nods him a polite goodbye. "Make us proud, son."

They turn their backs on him, and leave the bedroom.

They never come back.

-

The funeral is the first time he steps a foot outside in fifteen years.

He stands next to the carved wound in the ground, across his brother that looks more like a defeated king than he does a young prince. He seems more mature, and Loki marvels at the little boy that turned into a man on the other side of his closed door.

The gardens are crowded. The coffins are empty. The day is frustratingly beautiful, like the gods are taking a laugh at their lack of fortune. 

Empty words are said, tears are shed, and Thor and him each throw a fistful of freshly removed earth down on the coffins. Their eyes meet when they both look up from the boxes, and Thor's lips part as if to say something.

In the end, he stays silent, and turns away from him.

"Loki." He turns at the sound of his name, and finds Sif staring back. Her eyes are red and puffy, but her face looks firm. "Thor will be crowned tomorrow."

"I know." He answers, thanking her in her mind for not giving him the 'I'm so sorry for your loss' speech.

"We will keep an eye on you." She says, and he doesn't really know if it's supposed to be a threat. "Just tell us if anyone's bothering you, and we'll deal with them."

He stiffens when her eyes drift down to the frozen fingertips of his gloves, but nods.

"I will keep it in mind."

-

The hall is crowded with people in colorful gowns and flashing jewels, and Loki finds it asphyxiating, but it's better this way because he doesn't think he'd be able to stand in the hall if it looked like it did on _that_ day.

He stands on the dais, and flashes smiles as people stop and bow to him and Thor, just like he read in his etiquette books, denies dance offers politely, responds to inquiries of his long absence with a carefully crafted story he's had prepared for years.

"You're like a fish in a pond." Thor grunts at his side. "How did you even get so good at this?"

His lips twitch lightly into a hint of a smile. "I read a lot. People are easy once you know what they think they want."

Loki knows he's supposed to be mourning. Hell, he _is_ mourning, but it's all he can do to not break out laughing when he looks sideways at his brother and finds him glaring down at the ornate sleeves of his formal robes. At least that hasn't changed.

"You look good, all dressed up." He ventures out.

Thor's face lightens up immediately, and he levels him with a pleasantly surprised look. "I... Thank you."

They look back to the crowd, immersed in a comfortable silence.

"This is very nice." Loki mutters then, after looking down at his hands and finding them free of ice. At his side, Thor nods

"You'd like it, if you came out more often." Thor smiles gently at him, but Loki feels his face closing off as soon as the words reach him.

"That's not going to happen." He answers, all sharp and clipped. His brother's smile falls, and he fights to ignore the pinch of guilt in his stomach. "I'm sorry."

"Loki... Why-"

"My, isn't it a surprise? I'm sure our dear King and Queen would be happy to know something good came of this, if the young prince deigns showing himself again." A voice interrupts them abruptly. The brothers turn and Loki feels every muscle in is body tensing up as memories flood back into him.  
The woman looks different this time, but the dangerous aura and the smell of snow that accompanies her makes it easy for him to recognize her. Her skin is pale and smooth, and the thick black braids have been replaced with gorgeous shiny locks falling in loose curls. Her eyes flash a poisonous green, and if Loki ever doubted his suspicions, her appearance clears all uncertainty away.

"Excuse me?" Thor frowns as politely as he can.

"Oh, I meant no disrespect, my prince. It's just that I believe your mother would have enjoyed seeing you two together once more, even for such grim a motive." The woman bows just as Loki remembers her doing all those years ago, her smart eyes and sharp smile fixed on them as if it is all a joke to her. 

"Were you a friend of hers?" Thor tries again, clearly not knowing what to do with the woman.

"I stole from her and she stole from me, and we both hated each other with all the strength we could muster." The woman answers as she inspects her nails, uninterested. "But she was a decent mother, and for that I owe her my respect and my thanks."

"My mother stole from yo-"

"Don't listen to her, Thor." Loki intervenes, cold as the frost gathering on his fingers. "She's-"

"Lying?" The woman cuts his sentence, her eyes moving lower until Loki can feel their heavy gaze on his hand. He hurries to hide it in his cloak, and the woman looks up at him with a smile that is probably intended to be calming and understanding, but that comes across as the kind of smile a fox pulls on a pack of dogs before leading them all off a cliff.

"A witch." He forces himself to end his accusation in the most defiant way possible.

The woman's eyes fill with amusement, and she bows again, this time to him only.

"And a very good one, at that. I trust you'll be able to find me if you ever have need of me, my prince." She smiles. "Now if you will excuse me, my business here is settled, and there are other matters that claim for my attention."

That said, she steps away, her hair swinging behind her as she glides through the ball room.

"... That was strange." Thor turns to him. "Do you know that woman?"

Loki shakes his head. "I saw her but once." He says, and keeps the rest to himself.

"Now, as I was saying before-"

"Leave it alone, Thor. After you're crowned and the people are gone I'm going back to my chambers." Loki snaps. He would've given anything for Thor's usual accepting behavior right now.

"... I will not allow it."

Thor's words cut between them like a knife, and Loki looks at him, impressed. Thor looks pained, yes, but his mouth is set on a firm line and his fists are clenched at his side. Loki feels his entire body growing taut, and he digs his hands deeper into his cloak before speaking.

"Excuse me?"

"I will not allow it." Thor repeats, and Loki would give him points for not backing off if he weren't so busy trying not to freeze his cloak stiff. "Loki, this attitude of yours has lasted fifteen years, and I would have it no more." He continues. "If you need the solitude, if you long not for company I accept it, even though I do not understand it, but I would have a reason. I have begged for years, and now I order so. If you wish to retire to your confinement again, you will have to tell me why."

"Is this the mighty King commanding?" Loki hisses, and he hears Laufey's voice all those years before, teasing his Father in a similar manner.

When he looks at Thor he can see the hurt in his eyes, the regret, as he squares his shoulders and tightens his fists.

"Yes."

"Then I find I must refuse, Your Majesty." He answers after a pause, and for all that he hasn't been cold in fifteen years, he feels numb now. "I will leave the castle right away."

"What?" Thor's frown vanishes as soon as he processes the words, and he reaches a hand to grab Loki's shoulder, but he flinches back almost as fast. He's not in control right now. He will not hurt anyone. "I... I forbid you to leave!"

"Am I to go to the dungeons, then?" Loki can't control the smirk that curves his lips right then, as he watches Thor's frustration. 

"That would please you, wouldn't it? At least then you would have a reason to hate me, to keep me away."

Loki bows. It's far easier, to mock Thor and try to make him angry. He might just stay away this time. He might just finally decide to be rid of him. He might just be safe. "It must surely be true, if the King speaks it so."

Thor's eyes narrow in warning, and Loki smirks again, just at about the same time a group of heavy boots plods up to them.

"Is something the matter, Thor?" Sif asks, shooting Loki a questioning glance.

"I found it necessary to confront Loki about his irrational self-imprisonment, Sif, but it looks like he has not aged a day in these past fifteen years, since he insists on acting as a child and not giving reasonable explanations."

"And that is, of course, very mature of you, your Majesty" Loki rolls his eyes. He catches sight of Fandral and Hogun making their way over to them, and clenches his hands tighter into his cloak. "Now if you excuse me, I will retire now." He attempts to step around them, but Thor moves to stand between him and the exit route, staring at him with that stubborn determination of his.

"You will not, until you tell me the truth. It's an order, Loki." 

And, more than anything else, it's the firm set of Thor's shoulders, the pained seriousness of his face, which get under Loki's skin.

How dare Thor act like this is hard for _him_? Like he has the right to order him to give away the secret he has given his life away to hide, to protect _him_ from?!

"Listen to me, Thor..." He starts.

"Loki-" Fandral tries, but he cuts him with a gesture.

"You will step aside right now, and let me leave. I will pick up my possessions, and leave in an hour, and I warn you, brother. Do not look for me."

"I swear on our parents' graves, Loki, if need be I will follow you to the end of the world and beyond it, and I will only stop when you TELL ME WHAT THE PROBLEM IS" Thor's words turn into a scream at the end, and Loki knows from the way Volstagg shuffles around nervously that their scuffle has begun to attract the guests' attention. He can't bring himself to care.

"You are the problem, Thor! I don't want your help, I've never wanted it nor had need of it, and yet you insist on forcing me to accept it!" Loki shouts back. Tendrils of shimmering ice slither down the folds of his cloak, and his nose fills with a familiar scent. "Is this how you plan to rule, brother? Forcing your wants onto people and telling them it's for their benefit?! Your father would be proud of you!"

Thor actually tries to move forward at that, his face contorted into an ugly, puffed up mask of rage, but Hogun steps in his way not a second later, placing a soothing but firm hand on his shoulder and not budging one inch when the taller man glares down at him.

"Give him some space, Thor" he mutters, and Loki is a bit taken aback when he realizes it's been more than ten years since he's heard his voice.

Meanwhile, Sif is walking towards him slowly, trying to find his eyes with hers.

"Loki, I need you to calm down." She begins, in what is undoubtedly her most calmed tone of voice. She looks down pointedly, and Loki takes a while to figure out what she's looking at. When he follows her gaze, he finds his hand has turned completely blue and his fingers are being slowly encased in ice. "I think we should take this somewhere more private."

"I don't need privacy. I need my clothes and a horse." Loki grumbles as he shoves his hand down his robe's pocket.

"Loki, I think it's time we tell Thor the truth." Sif attacks again, because it's in her nature, to go at your weakest points when you least expect it. "You didn't do anything wrong. I think it's time you of all people realize that."

"Realize... Tell me the truth?" Thor asks in the background, but neither of them listens.

She takes another step forward, and he retaliates by taking one back. "Don't come any closer, Sif."

"You won't hurt me."

"GET AWAY" He yells when she lifts a hand to touch him, and that stops her.

"... Loki" She whispers, as if he'd honestly frightened her by means of yelling alone. He breathes heavily, trying to regain calm, when Thor's voice reaches him again.

"Loki, wha- what is the meaning of this?"

"The meaning of _what_ exactly, you idiot?" Loki asks back through clenched teeth, and when no answer comes he lifts his eyes to find Thor staring straight at his feet, his clear blue eyes wide in amazement and confusion, and his face pale enough to make him forget they are not truly brothers.

He can't bring himself to look at first, but in the end he has to.

The lustrous tiles of the ballroom are barely visible through a thick, shiny layer of ice laid in a perfect circle around his feet, shooting up in thin spikes that barely reach his knees and that begin crumbling down the very moment he gasps and steps out of the circle.

He can feel Thor's eyes on him, along with the rest of the palace's guests, as he forces himself to breathe and his mind races around and over itself looking for a reasonable way to explain this mess away,

Then, suddenly, a sound breaks through the ear-piercing silence.

"Sorcerer!" Someone yells, and Loki wishes he could see his accuser, because for all he hates using his magic, he'd like to give them a nice frozen tongue as a parting gift.

"Loki..." Thor takes a step towards him, and the ice spikes shoot up again. He can feel cold tendrils slithering up his arm and his breathing is becoming frantic.

"Stay away, Thor." He orders, begs, but Thor won't _back off_ , he keeps stepping closer with an expression of confusion so intense in his face that Loki feels like a bug being pinned down on a wooden plank.

"So it wasn't a dream... I didn't imagine it." Thor whispers in a voice so low barely anyone can hear him, and takes another step forward. 

That's when a sword flashes between him and his brother, with the tip clearly pointing to Loki's chest.

"Do not go near him, Your Majesty, he's a monster." Some minor nobleman grunts out, standing between him and Loki as if Thor were in any danger.

Sif steps forward in less than a second. "That's your prince you're talking about, traitor!" She exclaims, pushing his blade away with her own.

Everything spirals out of control from there.

In less than what it takes to blink an eye, Sif has engaged into duel with the man who dared point his sword at one of her princes, and Thor risks staying close to her for enough time to hook his foot behind the man's heel. He deserves it.

When he looks back up, all he sees is Loki's back getting further away through a path Fandral and Volstagg are opening amongst the guests for him.

"Loki, wait!" He yells, and his feet move out of their own volition. If what he suspects is true, if those dreams he's so familiar with are not just that...

He registers Hogun's hurried steps behind him as he's about to catch up to his brother, and ignores it when the scarcely-used voice booms in a desperate yell of "DON'T TOUCH HIM!"

His hand shoots forward and clenches to Loki's forearm.

Loki's face when he turns is feral, almost maddened with fear, and he lifts his opposite hand to shield himself as if expecting a blow. Thor feels numb for a second, and then his grip on Loki's forearm is weakening until he has to let go and reach around blindly for something to support himself against as his legs begin to fail. He registers the feeling of someone's arm wrapping around his back, and when he looks at Loki again, he could swear the man has gone back in time and is four years old again, for he looks lost and scared, with his green eyes going back and forth between his own outstretched hand and Thor himself.

Loki, meanwhile, fights down the scream caught up in his throat. Thor is just _there_ , hanging like a broken doll from Volstagg's meaty arms. As he looks, a thin lock of his golden hair pales until it's pure white.

_"Had you aimed your magic at him, not even I would've been able to save him"_

But she probably can, can't she? She was just trying to intimidate him that time, she must _know_ something.

"I have to find her." He mutters.

"Find her?" Fandral asks, leaning forward, but not quite close to him. "Who?"

"My mother." Loki says, and spins on his heels to face the exit. The crowd parts before him out of their own will now, eyeing him with fear and mistrust, and he can't get to the door fast enough.

He makes no stops, doesn't even consider it, his feet take him straight into the gardens, and the grass freezes under his steps. That's when the first rock hits behind him, and the first shrill cry of "He attacked the King!" cuts through the stunned silence.

Loki doesn't wait to see if more rocks follow, or more screams; he spares a last glance to the ice-encased window that marks his only home, and springs forward. The streets are empty as he runs across them, everyone was invited to the funeral. His steps echo in the darkness in such a way he can't shake the feeling he's being followed. Finally, he's at the piers, and he hesitates.

The castle stands tall and proud on its hill behind him, cold and distant in the night. 

He takes a step into the water, and runs away from a place that hasn´t been home in years.


End file.
